


Spore

by radcomiclover



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce is really confused, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Discussion of Abortion, Eventual Romance, F/F, Gunshot Wounds, Happy Ending, Harley being adorable, Ivy hating everything but getting better, Jason has issues and needs a hug, Mpreg, Why Did I Write This?, a different take on it though, he also is confused and needs hugs, oh well, villains being reformed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-07 14:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4266516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radcomiclover/pseuds/radcomiclover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you told Pamela Isley a year ago that she would be certifiably sane and working at a flower shop she would have rolled her eyes. If you told her she would also be sharing an apartment with Harley Quinn and Batman's former sidekick Nightwing she would have laughed. If you told her she got said Nightwing knocked up due to her powers evolving she would question if you belonged at Arkham.</p><p>What starts as a simple heist turns into an intervention from an abusive relationship, finding out the identity of Nightwing, Pam getting him pregnant by accident, discovering Batman is actually someone they should have expected all along, Pam getting Nightwing pregnant, Harley finding out dick jokes are not appreciated in Dick Grayson's apartment, Pam getting him pregnant. Is it mentioned that she got him pregnant?</p><p>Now the girls have to worry about Dick, referred to as 'Little Dicky' by Harley, giving birth to a possible plant monster due to Pamela's latest evolution causing her to release reproductive spores. Nevermind the fact that they find themselves the newest members of the Batfamily, which pisses off some of the members. Okay, most of the members... all of the members.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Spore**

_Prologue_

Pamela first noticed that something was different about her body an hour before the big heist. She had been mixing together some toxins when she noticed the light green liquid seeping out of her fingertips. It wasn’t unusual for her to secrete substances throughout the day, but she only rarely secreted liquid. She couldn’t even recognize whatever just came out of her was and she knew all the toxins her body produced. 

She stood there in amazement as the fluid began to drip from her fingers to the tabletop. Watching as more of it came out from under her fingernails, she was too focused to feel a tap on her shoulder. 

“Red?”

Coming out of her daze, Pamela turned around to find herself face to face with one of her only friends and her partner in crime, Harley Quinn. The blonde’s eyes were full of concern and curiosity as she looked at the red head’s hands. 

“Never knew you secreted liquids,” Harley started as she pointed at the puddle of the fluid on the table. “Is it a poison or…?”

“I quite honestly don’t know,” Ivy replied. She grabbed a petri dish from the cabinet and placed it below her hands, watching as it quickly began to fill up. “Just when I think I know my body something else takes me by surprise. I’ll have to do some tests later to figure out what this is.”

“Yeah, Mr. J won’t be happy if we hold him up.”

Pamela could feel her blood boil at the mere mention of Harley’s ‘boyfriend’. She hated most men, but Joker was probably the worst of them all. How someone as sweet as Harley could wind up with that horrible human being troubled Pamela constantly. She could never understand how Harley kept coming back to him even though he constantly beat her and left her to die. The only reasons she agreed to go on this heist with them was because Harley begged and that the Middlemist Red, the rarest flower in the world, would be on display at the museum they were robbing. She couldn’t resist adding what was to be her most beautiful child into her garden. 

“He should be here any minute now,” Harley cried excitingly as she ran to the window of the abandoned greenhouse Pam had been residing. “Oh, Red! This is gonna be so much fun!”

“As long as the Batman and his sidekicks don’t show up,” Ivy said and put the cap on the now nearly full Petri dish.  
Harley’s grin grew wider and she laughed, “That’s what makes it better though,” she said. “You, Mr. J, and I working together to take down Batman and kill the police officers that try to stop us before running off rich from the artifacts! Doesn’t that sound amazin’!”

“Wonderful,” Pam rolled her eyes but maintained a smile. It was actually quite adorable that Harley honestly believed this partnership would end well. 

The loud honking of a car alerted the women that ‘Mr. J’ had arrived. Pamela had no time to react before Harley was dragging her out the door; the blonde squealing in delight as she greeted her ‘Puddin’.” Of course, her beloved seemed to pay no attention to her and simply smirked at the scowling Ivy. 

“Why, if it isn’t the ravishing Poison Ivy,” Joker chuckled. “It seems that she finally decided to socialize with actual people instead of plants.” He laughed even harder as Ivy’s face reflected pure hate and contempt for him. Harley joined along with him, ignoring her friend’s obvious anger, but anything her ‘Mr. J’ said was hilarious to her.

“I just want to get this over with, Joker,” Ivy said before bucking herself in. “This partnership is a one time deal only.”

Joker’s smile grew wider as he rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. You only want that stupid flower-“  


“The Middlemist Red is anything but a stupid flower,” Pamela snapped. “It is the rarest and most beautiful of all camellias. There are only three in existence. There’s one in England, another in New Zealand, and finally the one on display at the Gotham Natural History Museum.”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Joker said and pretended to blow his brains out with his finger as a gun. “You must be ‘fun’ at parties, Ms. Ivy."

She only rolled her eyes in response as they went on the highway, passing several interstates before heading to Route 46, the only way to Gotham city. Pamela’s grin grew as she saw the sign welcoming them to the crime-infested city. She would be seeing her beautiful baby soon enough. 

Of course, her smile grew into a frown as the car took a left onto Route 48, entering the sister city of Blüdhaven. Even Harley seemed confused at the sudden change of location and plan, but her darling only cackled. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” Ivy cried in anger. She slammed her fists down on the backseat and huffed. “You said we were going to the Gotham Natural History Museum, Joker! Why are we in Blüdhaven?”

“Yeah, Puddin’,” Harley frowned. “Why are we in Blüdhaven?”

“Did I say we were going to the Gotham Natural History Museum?” Joker began to laugh hysterically. “I meant to say that we were going to the Blüdhaven Natural History Museum!”

Pamela sat up in her seat; if looks could kill the Crime Prince of Crime would be dead. “You lied to me, Joker. You know what happens to those who tell me fibs?” Her expression darkened more. “I use their corpses as pots for my children.”

“Mr. J, you promised Red that she would get her flower-“

“And she will get that plant, Harley.” Joker turned around and gave the redhead a cocky grin. “But, she’ll need to earn it by helping us.” His smirk turned into a look of disgust after taking a glance at the backseat. “Jesus, Ivy. I know you can squirt out god knows what from your body, but can you at least wait until we get to the museum? I don’t consider ruining my new seat funny.”

Pamela looked down at her hands to see that the green liquid had returned; now almost pouring from her fingertips. She sighed and kept her hands in fists for the rest of the ride, containing as much of it as humanly possible.

Once they arrived at the museum, Pamela sneaked off to find an entrance. She was far too furious to deal with Harley and her boyfriend from hell. Of course, Harley followed her to the side of the building, spouting out an apology after apology.

“You know how Mr. J is, Red. He’s only busting your chops. He likes to do that to everyone, even me.”

“I’m only doing this for you, Harl.” Ivy quickly turned and stuck her finger in the other’s face. “And I better get my Middlemist Red tonight or your ‘Mr. J’ will become food for my Venus flytrap. I mean it, Harley.”

Harley sheepishly nodded, knowing her friend was not in the mood for any arguments and watched Pamela look around for a vent to open. Upon finding a vent, the redhead knelt down and began to manipulate a branch from one of the nearby bushes to act as a screwdriver. However, before the vent could be removed, a crash and the blaring of alarms could be heard from out front. 

The two women ran out to see one of the large windows was broken, the red lights of the security alarms reflected \and the sound of yelling from a few security guards could be heard and seen from inside. The cops would be arriving in a matter of minutes for sure and the chances of Ivy getting her beloved flower seemed to slim significantly. Joker lowered his gun; a deranged smile graced his face as he turned to face his partners, ignoring Ivy’s rage. 

“You idiot!” She cried as the vines began to wrap around Joker’s legs. “Every cop in the city will surround us in a few minutes!”

“Relax, Red.” Harley patted her friend’s shoulder. “Mr. J always likes to make an entrance. It’s what makes these heists fun! It’s like a game; get whatever we need within the time limit and manage to avoid the cops before makin our big getaway!”

“Every heist must be bigger and more extravagant!” Joker cried and dramatically spread his arms out. “These poor people here in this city have been missing out on some real good times! We gotta show them what we’re made of and give them something they’ll never forget!”

Harley squealed and wrapped herself around the criminal clown. “Puddin’, what if Nightwing comes? Do we show him a good time, too?”

“We give him the greatest show of all, Harley! It’s quite obvious the poor lad has been missing us dearly after leaving Gotham. It’ll be a wonderful reunion!” Joker playfully sniffled and wiped his eyes. “In fact, I’m starting to get emotional thinking about possibly seeing that boy again. He’s grown up so fast!”

“Why am I here, clown?” Pamela crossed her arms and scowled. “I’m only here for my flower and it’s becoming clear I’m not going to get it. I swear I’ll feed you to my plants.”

“You have to earn it remember!” Joker snickered and waved her off. “Help us throw off the most extravagant crime of all time and we’ll take you back before the end of the month to get your stupid plant.”

Ivy only glared at the man and her frown grew. “How do I know you’re not lying to me again?”

“Oh Ivy,” He grinned. “I always return favors to those who help me!”

“He’s right, Red,” Harley chimed in. “And I’ll make sure he pays you back if he forgets, which he rarely does. C’mon, Red! This will be fun and you know it!”

Pamela couldn’t help but soften at her best friend’s adorable smile; it always seemed to win her over. Still, she had better get her flower by the end of the week or there would be hell to pay. “What do you want me to do exactly?”

“Harley and I will go in to get what we need while you distract the police and company. Now, since this is the Natural History Museum there will be several exhibits of exotic plants. Go crazy with it! The bigger and more dangerous the plants are the better! We gotta go out with a bang!”

“What are you stealing?” Ivy asked.

“The body of King Tut of course!” Joker began to howl with laughter, slapping his knee. He pulled a deflated blow up doll from his pocket and Harley joined him in laughing. “And we’ll replace it with this!”

“A blow-up doll?”

“God, if I had to explain the joke it wouldn’t be funny now, would it?” Joker replied; his laughter replaced with a sigh. Harley rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Harley, your friend has no sense of humor, such a stick in the mud-”

“Let’s just get this over with before the cops come,” Ivy said before jumping through the broken window, the clown duo quickly joining her afterward. 

Upon entering the museum, Pamela could see that the guards were crowded around each other by the front desk. They were frantically talking over each other, hoping that the police would come or that they would hunt for the intruder themselves. They stood no chance against Harley and Joker; the two seemed to kill the guard with gas and the woman’s giant mallet before heading off to the Egyptian exhibit. This left Ivy some time to be with her children. 

Blüdhaven was always a generally poor city, but Ivy expected better for a museum currently housing the most famous Egyptian pharaoh in history. The greenhouse was one of the worst she had ever seen; dying plants, trash on the soil, the obvious manhandling of her babies pained her. How long had her children been suffering? Did they cry for her help? She would make amends to them, she only wished she could’ve been the one who took out the guards; they did nothing while her children were in pain.

“Hello my loves,” she cooed as she slowly walked into the exhibit. Already the plants seemed to become greener just by her presence alone. She felt vines and branches embrace her, lifting her up onto a throne of bushes. “You all always know how to make a girl feel welcomed.” Pamela turned to her left to see roses blooming around her. “God, I feel like a princess here.”

Pamela lifted up her hand and the trees began to grow, getting so big that they burst through the ceiling. Grass began to replace the dirt and after a few minutes the once pathetic exhibit resembled a small, lively rainforest. Flowers bloomed in nearly every direction, plump fruit dangled on the trees, and already birds were flying down from above to make a home for themselves in branches. 

“That feels better now, doesn’t it?” She beamed at the trees. “Now you can get some real air and stretch!”

The sound of police sirens closed in around the museum and after a few seconds the police were bursting into the greenhouse. About twenty officers quickly surrounded her; all of them with their guns out and aimed at the red head.

“Put your hands in the air!” One of the officers shouted, trying his best to disguise his fear. “We’re sending your ass back to Arkham!”

Pamela did nothing for a good minute or two, watching as the cops grew more anxious, she loved seeing a cop shake in fear. Finally, she put her hands in the air and stood up, a smirk growing on her face. 

“You got me, officers,” she said seductively. “I’ve been a very bad girl, haven’t I?”

No way was the Blüdhaven police force prepared to handle a being like Ivy and it showed. The men lowered their guns as she walked towards them; some were turned on by her tone and mannerisms. Her hips swayed as she approached one of the rookies, wrapping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his chest. The young man was too shocked to say anything and gave his squad a look of sheer terror. 

“Officer, I’m such a naughty girl… Aren’t I?”

“I-I… I…” 

“A bad girl like me needs to be spanked, right?” She always hated displaying her sexuality, but it was a distraction. Those pigs couldn’t resist the bombshell. Pamela went on the tips of her toes and pulled the cop’s face closer. She could hear some of the other squad members snorting at the younger man’s discomfort. They wouldn’t be laughing for long. 

“Jesus… I-I…”

“Cat got your tongue?” Ivy asked, leaning to whisper in the man’s ear. “I’ll get a good scream out of you.”

The officer’s eyes widened and before he could react he was wrapped in vines. He screamed and struggled as his companions began to shoot at the plants. Ivy waved her hand and a tree root quickly came out of the ground, whacking the other cops through the wall. No one else would be hurting Ivy’s children again tonight. 

“Stay there and be a good boy,” Ivy smirked at the whimpering cop. “I didn’t kill your friends if you’re worried about that. I just made sure they wouldn’t be calling back up.”

“Please don’t hurt me,” the cop began to tear up and sob. “Please, I have a newborn daughter and she-“

“I’m not going to hurt you,” she snapped. “Jesus, all you have to do is stay tied up and you’ll be home with your baby by morning. Got it?”

The young man sniffled and frantically nodded. The laughter of Joker and Harley became louder as the two ran into the exhibit, the mummy getting a piggyback ride courtesy of Harley. The Clown Prince of Crime examined the room before nodding.

“Looks nice, Ivy.” He said before kneeling down to look at one of the flowers. “Of course, it’s a little too… earthy for my liking.” The eco-terrorist rolled her eyes as the man began to crack up. 

“Y’know, I’m going to agree with the clown on this one.” All laughter stopped as the three quickly turned around to see a smirking Nightwing leaning on the doorway. “I’m more of a modern guy myself if I’m honest.”

Joker’s eternal grin grew wider as the young hero entered the room. He had been waiting for this moment all night.

“Ah, Batwing-“

“Nightwing.”

“Yes, Nightwing. How could I ever forget you, kiddo.” Joker cackled as he saw the man huff in annoyance. “We just wanted to drop by and visit you. We all missed you so much. You’ve already grown since the last time we met; you’re such a big boy!”

“Enough,” Nightwing snapped and pulled out his Escrima sticks. “Hand over the mummy and give it up, Joker.”

Joker pouted and lifted his hands up before snorting. “You don’t need to worry about me, Nightbat. You need to worry about the plants.”

Pamela smirked as vines quickly wrapped themselves around Nightwing’s limbs; he struggled for a minute before going still. Joker giggled in glee and hugged Ivy, laughing harder when she pushed him off a second later. 

“You are the best, Pammy! We couldn’t do this without you!”

“Don’t call me that, clown,” Pamela hissed. “Can we leave now? You still owe me my flower.”

“Yes, we’ll get the flower for you. I always keep my word!”

“Guys…” Harley whispered, her grip tightening around the corpse. “We got a problem.”

Pamela nearly screamed in horror when she saw the scene before her. Nightwing was biting pieces off of the vine wrapped around his left arm, spitting out chunks after chunk. She could hear her poor baby screaming in pain; she had hit her breaking point. The hero eventually got his arm free and grabbed his stick, jamming it into the other vine and splitting it apart. 

“Stop it!” Ivy roared with anger. Nightwing was now out and slicing at the other plants with a pocketknife. Her babies were wailing in pain. “Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

Harley and Joker only stared in awe as nearly every plant in the garden began to swarm the younger man. Ivy’s hand was raised to command her army, shaking in anger; she quickly waved her arm to initiate the final blow. 

“Stop it!”

The plants never attacked but simply retreated back. Ivy’s arm slowly lowered and she could only stare at her hands in shock. The green liquid had returned and was now squirting everywhere. The clown couple backed up; Harley was wide-eyed while Joker cackled. 

Of course, Joker was laughing at the retches coming from Nightwing. The hero was on his knees, coughing and gagging, incapacitated from the liquid that he presumably swallowed from Ivy’s rage. Pamela had no idea what the liquid did, but it seemed to give them enough time to make a getaway. 

Grabbing Harley and Joker by the sleeves of their outfits, Pamela ran as fast as she could out the door, but was blinded by the spotlight of a police helicopter. SWAT trucks surrounded the museum and all guns were pointed at the trio. 

“You’re under arrest! Hands up where we can see them, now!”

It was surprisingly Joker who put his hands up in defeat, but Ivy knew this was most likely a trick. The clown frowned and motioned Harley to surrender as well. The woman hesitated but obeyed her beloved, dropping the corpse on the ground.

“Oh well…” Joker began before pausing. “I really wanted to give you all a show. Lord knows you all need some entertainment-“

“You’ve given us anything but entertainment,” one officer interrupted. “You nearly killed twenty officers and ruined the museum!”

“Ah, we did do that,” Joker replied calmly. “You see though, the best thing about great performances is that they make you angry, laugh, cry, and throw plot twists no one sees coming.”

The clown began to howl with laughter and turned to face his partners. In a flash, he grabbed his gun and shot Harley in the chest, Ivy rushed to catch the girl before she hit the ground. The police didn’t get the time to fire back; Joker dropped smoke pellets, allowing him to disappear into the night. 

Pamela held her friend close, watching as the other’s chest shakily rose and fell, wiping the blood seeping out the side of her mouth. She could hear one of the officer’s calling for an ambulance, but her only priority was the wounded woman in her arms. Harley’s blue eyes were wide in fear and betrayal; Pamela kissed her forehead and wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I-It’s okay, Harley…” Pamela whispered and gently smiled, trying not to show how afraid she was. Harley didn’t need to see that. “You’re going to be fine.”

She watched as the blonde struggled to stay awake, her breathing getting more ragged by the second. Pamela heard footsteps and looked up to see an older cop approaching them, his eyes full of concern for the two women. Ivy didn’t even fight him as he sat down beside her. 

“Ma’am,” he began; his gruff voice was surprisingly comforting to Pamela. “I want to help your friend, but we need you to surrender yourselves. It ain’t going to get better unless you give up.”

Pamela felt tears sting her eyes as she protectively held Harley’s head closer to her chest. “I’m not leaving her,” she whimpered.  


“You don’t have to. You don’t seem like a threat, Pamela, so I’m willing to let you ride in the ambulance with her.”

“I’ll still be arrested, right?” Pamela asked. “In the end we’ll be sent back to Arkham and this will happen again like it always does.”

“You two can change your ways, Ms. Isley,” the cop replied. “You two can get the help you need and live your lives like normal people. I know you can be happy with your plants without having to commit any crimes and Harley can be free from the Joker.”

“I don’t believe you,” Pamela barely whispered. “I can never change.”

“I know you can… I know you won’t let him hurt her again, that’s why.” The cop looked down at the barley-breathing woman in the other’s arms. “If you won’t rehabilitate for yourself, you will for her. You won’t let her suffer again-“

“Shut up!” Pamela snapped. “You don’t know me or her.”

The older man sighed and rubbed his temples. “You’re right,” he began, “I don’t know you.” The ambulance quickly pulled into the parking lot and EMTs raced to them with a stretcher. Pamela was reluctant to let Harley go but gave in after the younger woman hacked up blood. 

Pamela felt herself being shoved into the ambulance, watching the paramedics begin to frantically work on Harley as they drove off. She looked out the window and up at the skyscrapers. They were relaxing at the moment, getting her mind off of her best friend possibly dying. 

Pamela looked down at her hands to see the liquid was now dried up and mixed with Harley’s blood. She should’ve kept her away from the Joker so this never would’ve happened. She should’ve never agreed to this heist. The Middlemist Red would be safe in Gotham, but Harley would be lucky to survive the night.

Would she be willing to give up keeping her plants safe to help Harley? She supposed she could get a job at a flower shop or nature center. That way she would always be with her children without any crime being involved. In fact, she could make the park beautiful again; free from the litter and vandalism that plagued it. 

She couldn’t believe she was actually thinking of going back to the side of humanity, but she was sure to make this just a temporary situation. At least until Harley was mentally and physically stable enough to live on her own. Then Pamela could go back to freeing her babies from big businesses and others that tried to destroy them for selfish desires. Nature would always win and Pamela would make sure of it. 

She sighed and leaned back, closing her eyes out of pure exhaustion. Before falling asleep, she thought about the words the cop said to her on the steps of the museum. He was right; Pamela would never let Harley go through one more day of abuse from anyone else again. She would make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the start of the weirdest thing I have ever possibly written. I don't normally like mpreg, but this seemed like something I had to write. 
> 
> Yes, the Middlemist Red is a real flower and is the rarest one in the world. Of course, Ivy would want to add it into her garden. Speaking of Ivy, the liquid that she is producing is based around asexual reproduction. 
> 
> Unlike plants, Ivy's spores contain the embryo, but they attain DNA from their host as well. Obviously that host is Dick in this instance, but Ivy's secretion is similar to a period. She's just becoming so plant like her body is finding ways to reproduce that seem bizarre to humans. A lot of this will be explained in future chapters!
> 
> Also, prayer for circle Harley that she can get her life together after being shot like that by Joker. I don't see him making a big come back anytime soon.


	2. Bruce Makes A Horrible Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightwing returns to the Batcave to get patched up and learns some embarrassing news from Bruce. Also, Barbara is tired, Alfred almost has a heart attack, they bash on Dick's coworkers, and Bruce makes a horrible decision. A typical night for the Batfamily.

_Bruce Makes A Horrible Decision…_

“The cuts don’t seem to be too deep, Master Richard. I don’t think you even need stitches.”

“That’s good at least.”

Dick sighed and leaned his head back on the chair, watching as the butler got up to get the first aid kit. The sound of Oracle typing echoed throughout the cave and made him feel at peace. Even though he had left the city to get out of the shadow of the Bat, Dick couldn’t deny he still loved going back to Gotham. Going back to his family. 

“Alfred,” he began as the elderly man grabbed wrappings and Neosporin, “can you please get me a drink?”

“Of course, Master Dick,” Alfred replied. “How about water? You must be dehydrated after your battle with Ivy-“

“Actually, can you get me a ginger ale? My stomach’s a little upset…”

“Do you need Pepto Bismol as well, Master Dick?” Alfred asked, reaching to the small fridge in the Batcave. “Upset stomachs are quite common this type of year. You most likely got a bug from one of those thugs, no doubt.”  


The typing from the computer stopped and Dick looked over to see Oracle making her way down the ramp built for her; stopping and parking her wheelchair right beside him. Her appearance was unkempt; red, messy hair tied loosely into a ponytail, red eyes from staying awake far too late, and the dark bags underneath to make it even more obvious… Barbara Gordon needed a long, deep sleep and quite possibly a vacation. Still, she seemed quite relieved and at least trying to disguise an upbeat attitude. 

She smiled to the butler, who was now returning with the supplies and soda can, preparing to continue to work on Dick. “I wouldn’t say he got it from a thug,” she began as Alfred sprayed the antiseptic on the wounds. “Unless you count Poison Ivy as a simple thug, which I don’t.”

Alfred paused and whipped his head with speed that could almost rival Superman, his face full of concern. “My god, Master Dick,” he gasped. “Were you poisoned by Ivy?”

“I-I… Jesus, Alfred,” Dick glared at Barbara for bringing this up in front of the old man in such a nonchalant way, but the woman only sheepishly smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, I ingested some of her fluids, but-“

“I’m going to call Master Bruce,” Alfred bolted up from the tiny stool and raced to the phone. “I’ll see if he wants me to test your blood or pump your stomach. I knew this would happen someday!”  
“Calm down, Alfred!” Barbara sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I was doing tests on him the moment he got here. He’s a big boy, Alfred. He knows what to do in situations like this.”

“And?”

“I did tests on his blood stream, white blood cell level, and his stomach for any foreign substances. Trust me, if there was anything like poison in his system I wouldn’t be this relaxed.”

“So, I’m fine?” Dick asked.

“Yep, all your tests were normal. I think whatever Ivy hit you with was to get you out of the fight.”

“I don’t even think that woman even knows what comes out of her body sometimes.”

Alfred sighed, his shoulders dropping in relief as he hung up the phone, but he soon was huffing in anger. “My god, Ms. Gordan,” He cried and crossed his arms. “You nearly gave me a heart attack! I need to lie down now… I feel a migraine coming on thanks to you.”

“Sorry, Alfred.”

“How about you patch up Master Dick to make up for knocking a good ten years off my life!” He retorted before storming upstairs to his chambers. 

Dick watched as Barbara sighed and wheeled over to the bandages, beginning to sloppily wrap them around Dick’s arms. It was clear she never really dressed a wound before. He wished Alfred would come back and finish. 

“You know, you’re terrible at giving first aid, Babs,” he smirked. “Probably should cross off a medical career anytime soon.”

“If I’m so awful how about you do it,” Barbara scowled as she tried to tape the wrappings. “Damn it, this is hard!”

“Kinda hard when I can only use one arm,” he joked. He couldn’t help but laugh when he saw her face scrunch up in frustration. “Besides, you can learn from this.”

“What how to do first aid?”

“Yeah, well there’s that, but also not to piss off Alfred.”

“I should have worded it better and told him flat out you were fine, but I thought I made it obvious you were, Dick! I could have mentioned that you threw up in an alleyway as soon as you got out of the museum.”

“You would have killed him, Barbara.” Dick shook his head and rolled his eyes. “He would’ve fallen over right there and then.”

“I don’t understand why he’s so protective of you and not Bruce,” she sighed as she finished up. 

“Alfred tried to distant himself from Bruce in a way,” Dick began; he would have to fix up the bandages later when he got back to his apartment. “He didn’t want to replace his parents to him, so he acted as a butler-”

“And Bruce came out so cold.”

Dick stood up and opened his still cold soda, sipping slowly in hopes of soothing his still upset stomach. He lowered the can and sighed. “Alfred didn’t want me to be like Bruce, I guess. So, he became more involved in raising me than Bruce was… I don’t blame him though; he just can’t really express his emotions well.”

“Well, we all know that,” Barbara chuckled, “he’s been trying though.”

“Yeah, he has,” he smiled. “I guess what I’m saying is Alfred’s kind of like my grandfather. He gives me the nurturing that Bruce can’t give and we bonded over the years. I still wish Bruce was more open though…”

“We all do, Dick.”

The loud roar of the Batmobile from the tunnels of the cave signaled that the Bat had returned from his nightly patrol; the boy wonder, Tim, was with him as well. The two watched as the car parked in the center of the room, knowing that any second the doors would fly open and The Dark Knight would emerge. 

“Speak of the devil,” Dick said as the Batman stepped out of the vehicle, walking towards them with Tim behind him. “Hey, Bruce.”

“Dick,” The Bat started as he took off his helmet, “I thought you would be in Blüdhaven.”

“Yeah, well I decided to drop by and have Alfred patch me up-“

“You ingested Poison Ivy’s toxins,” Bruce ignored Dick’s surprise of this knowledge and got on the computer. “And you wanted Barbara to make sure the poison was out of your system after you threw it up-“

“How do you know this?” Dick cried in confusement. “Barbara, did you tell him what happened?”

“I-I didn’t!”

“Oracle forgot to shut off her connection to us when she switched on to you,” the older man replied as he typed, “Tim and I heard everything.”

“We even heard you vomit in the alley,” Robin said, “it was playing full blast in the car. Sorry, but it was really gross.”

Dick’s face went beet red at the thought of Bruce and Tim giving each other awkward glances while his retches echoed throughout the Batmobile; an otherwise silent and serious ride interrupted by him in his most vulnerable state. He could see Barbara look down in an expression of guilt as he rubbed his temples.

“Could my night get any worse-“

“I’ve heard much more disgusting sounds than someone vomiting, Dick,” Bruce replied. “You throwing up is the least of my worries; Harley Quinn is in Rabe Memorial Hospital with a bullet in her chest while the Joker is loose somewhere in the city.”

“I did hear gunshots while I was getting out of the museum,” Dick said, “but I didn’t go out front to see what happened.”

Tim leaned on the table and watched Bruce hack into police helicopter cameras; they seemed to be circling around the wooded area near the museum in a somewhat panic. “Do you think the Joker went back to Gotham?” he asked.

“Even if he did this is just showing how incompetent the Blüdhaven PD are,” Batman said and pointed at the screen. “They didn’t notice Joker pull a gun out and going by security footage from the museum some of these officers fell right into Poison Ivy’s trap of seducing them.”

Dick couldn’t help but scoff when Bruce pulled the footage up on a separate screen and zoomed in on the officers smirking at Ivy’s sexual display; he saw those bastards every day at work. Most of them liked to pick on the rookies to stroke their own egos, but a few of them got into trouble recently for taking pictures of themselves in blackface on Halloween. 

“The guy in the middle is a real piece of work,” Dick pointed at a mustached officer who seemed to be getting ready to grab his phone out and snap some pictures of Ivy’s ass. “He got in trouble a few times for groping some drunk girls during a pat down.”

“Officer Brown surprisingly only suffered a broken leg from Ivy’s attack,” Batman said, “and from the way he was speaking to a nurse at the hospital I believe you.”

“I’m going to enjoy these assholes being gone for the time being… Wait, you were at the hospital?”

“We were taking Ivy back to Arkham,” Tim replied as he took off the rest of his costume, changing into pajamas he left in the display his costume would be. “She was actually decent for the car ride; awkwardly tried to start a few conversations, but decent. One of the cops let her ride in the ambulance so she could know for sure Harley was okay.”

Dick smiled; only George would allow that to happen. One of the few non-corrupt cops on the force, he always treated everyone he encountered with respect, and Dick had nothing bad to say about him. Of course, sometimes he was too compassionate, but it was obvious he truly loved his job and helping people. Dick’s eyes widened when he thought about George and his job. He had the day shift tomorrow!

“Hey, I should probably be going now,” he started and put back on his costume. “I got to be in there tomorrow by nine and Amy will have my head if I’m late again…”

“Good night, Dick,” Barbara smiled, “we’ll call you in the morning with updates on possible locations of the Joker’s hideout.”

He nodded and walked to the elevator connecting the manor to the cave; before he could make it inside he heard Bruce sigh. Turning around, Dick saw the older man approaching him, if somewhat uncomfortably. 

“Dick,” he began, placing his hands stiffly on the younger’s shoulders, “take care of yourself…”

Dick smiled at Bruce’s awkward display of affection; it was rare for him to show tenderness, but Dick loved when he did. “Bruce,” he replied and moved away from his touch. “You know I always do.”

“That was a close call tonight,” Batman frowned. “You could have gotten killed from Ivy’s toxins. I want you to take it easy for a bit-“

“I’m fine, Bruce.”

“This will catch up to you in the morning and your co-workers will notice, Dick. If you keep this up they’re going to put two and two together; then what will you do? You need to keep up appearances or this will come back on all of us.”

The younger man rolled his eyes and moved the other’s hands away. “I’ll be fine, Bruce,” he almost snapped. “I’m a grown ass man; I know how to take care of myself. Besides, Blüdhaven needs me, and I can’t risk any nights off.”

And with that, Dick headed inside the elevator, pressing the button to the first floor and watching Bruce turn away. He knew the other had made a point, but he couldn’t take a vacation. Blüdhaven needed someone to protect it, and if the police weren’t going to help, Nightwing would. Of course, his job would probably be a lot easier if he had someone else patrolling with him, but he was content on his own. 

“There’s no way Dick will be able to continue on like this,” Bruce says to Tim and Barbara, but just loud enough for Dick to hear. “I’m going to station Jason in Blüdhaven for the next few months after he returns tomorrow…”

Was Bruce out of his mind? Did he not remember what happened the last time Jason was in Blüdhaven? Yeah, he wasn’t going to turn into an octopus-thing again, but people were definitely were going to get shot. He didn’t believe for a second that Jason changed to non-lethal methods.

Of course, before Dick could get a word out, the elevator doors closed. Bruce better have been prepared for the angry phone call he was about to receive because Dick was not going to hold back this time. Not even if he was bribed with Alfred’s cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Dick, it must be hard to not only have Bruce and Tim hear you vomit for five minutes straight in an alleyway, but Jason is given to you as well. 
> 
> I can't stand when Jason and the Batfamily fight, so here they are trying to make amends! Jason is trying his best to not kill people, but it's a creature of habit, so Dick be easy on him. I didn't intend on Jason becoming a main character, but when things get weird (and things will get really weird), you need Jason there. I mean, his reactions to the events that follow will be great. 
> 
> The chapters should come faster now that my schedule is cleared though! So, see you until next time!


	3. Mr. J Must Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pamela's plan is going just as she hoped until Harley throws her a curveball. Can Ivy get Harley to follow through on the plan and keep the scorned woman from prematurely getting revenge? Also, will The Riddler stop talking to Pam? Seriously, she'd rather be next to Killer Moth again.

Mr. J Must Die

 

_ _ _  


It had been a month since the incident in Blüdhaven. Pamela knew because Calender Man would announce very loudly the time, the day, the week, and the month every morning before he went back to solitude. Sadly, he still wasn’t as obnoxious as The Riddler, Edward Nigma, who would constantly ask her riddles in an attempt to annoy her. 

“Nine hours, forty-five minutes, and fifty-three seconds,” Calender Man began the daily ritual. “Monday, day one of week two of the month of April!”

Was It nine forty-six? She would have to see her therapist in fourteen minutes. It would be a nice break from her most of her ‘neighbors.’ Ivy had been doing so well the past few weeks that she only had to see her therapist daily. Most patients had to be examined a few times a day. Joker had the most visits, but he’s still running around Blüdhaven or Gotham apparently. 

“Care to solve a puzzle?” She can hear Edward smugly begin his attempts to harass her. 

“No-“

“I spy with my little eye something blonde, bandaged, lethargic, and just overall pathetic… Tell me, can you see it too?”  


He was talking about Harley, who had been moved to the cell next to Ivy at Batman’s request (a surprisingly decent gesture in Pamela’s eyes). The surgery had been a success, but it was only due to the toxins Ivy had given her weeks ago to improve her speed and strength. At least that’s what the doctors said when she eavesdropped on their conversations. 

Harley was a shell of her former self, however. Pam had seen the Joker wound her many times, but Harley would always bounce back after a half ass apology from her ‘puddin.’ This was different, though. She’d just stare into space for hours on end and only nod when spoken too. This wasn’t her Harley, and Ivy would kill Joker for it. 

“Shut up, Nigma,” she coldly replied. 

“Please, Pamela, you know it’s true.” His laughter echoes and she turns away from him. “She’s checked out and is not coming back for a long time.”

Oh, she’s adding him to the list of people she’ll end when all of this is over. Pamela takes a breath to control her anger; she’s so far and Edward Nigma of all people will not put her back to step one. She needs to make herself look good for the doctors if she wants to get out. 

“She’s in shock, Nigma,” she replies. “I think anyone would be after getting shot-“

“It’s just like every tragic love story,” Edward interrupts. “Boy meets girl, they falls in love, they have the time of their life, and then boy leaves… Except, Joker couldn’t have cared less about her and played her like the fiddle she is.”

“I swear to god Edward-“

“Ms. Isley?”

The red head looks over to see her therapist standing at the door of the cell. Pamela relaxes and smiles at the young woman; she’s spared an hour of Nigma. She can’t help but smirk back at the man as her cell opens. She had gained their trust to the point she could freely walk without cuffs and mockingly waved at him as she followed her doctor. She was sure he was angrily mumbling to himself and sulking. 

_ _ _  


“Good morning, Pam,” the therapist began after she sat down. “How are you doing?”

“Pretty well for being in an insane asylum,” Pamela smiled sweetly. Therapy was the perfect place for improving her struggling people skills. Her doctor may have been decent, but what would she do when encountered with the different personalities of Gotham? 

Doctor Jean was one of the nicest humans she had met. While most of the doctors in Arkham reeked of arrogance and apathy, Jean was full of compassion and always smiling. It also nice to discover she had a love for nature; that earned brownie points from Pam. But, she was new, and Ivy was sure that by next year she would be just like the others. 

“I was thinking instead of asking boring questions that we would have a conversation,” Jean began. “You’re at the point where I trust you enough to consider you past that point.”

“Thank you so much, Dr.”

The doctor smiles before gasping; she then leans down under her desk. “I was visiting my mother in Blüdhaven yesterday and dropped by her flower shop. I saw this and was reminded of you… Think of it has something to spruce up your cell.” Jean pulls out a small flowerpot with a tiny daisy in it.

“Jean,” Pamela tried her best to disguise her grin as a frown. “If the warden finds out about this you could be fired!”

“I trust you, Pamela,” she replied and handed her the pot. “Besides, I consider this a part of therapy. You can’t be stuck in an old cell without anything at all.”

Pamela looked at the daisy and smiled like a mother would. It was frail and starting to wilt; she could hear it crying out for her to help. “If you hadn’t have brought it to me it would’ve died,” she softly said. 

“That’s why I picked it out… I was hoping you could help it.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Ivy said and touched the stem. The plant immediately began to grow; it’s petals turning a vibrant white. “There,” she whispered, “all better.”

“The warden will examine you next month to see if you’re stable enough to leave,” Jean began and grinned. “At this rate, you’ll have no problem getting certified as sane.”

Pam held the flower protectively. “That’s good,” she said, “I want to start over. I’m worried about Harley though,” the doctor’s smile fell. “She’s been unresponsive since she was brought in two weeks ago.”

“That worries me too,” Jean replied “It’s almost impossible to do sessions with her. I was thinking since you’re her friend and all…”

“You want me to talk to her?” Pamela asked, looking up from the plant. “I’ve tried and trust me-“

“I’m sure you have, but you’re her best friend and may be able to snap her out of it.” Jean sighs and gives the other a pleading look. “You’re both under my care and I want you both to recover. I know Harley can get over this and live a normal life.”

“I’ll try.”

_ _ _

After another forty-five minutes of talking about Jean’s family (the woman gushed most of time about her daughter), Ivy was back in her cell. She smiled as she put the pot on the small nightstand next to her bed; her room definitely looked livelier now. Out of all the meat bags she had encountered, Jean was probably one of her favorites for sure. Pam would have to make this up to her later. 

Thankfully, Nigma was taken away for his session just before she came back, so she had another hour free from him. This was much easier than I expected, she thought to herself as she layed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. _I just need to watch what I say and do… Don’t get too passionate about your plants around the warden and you’ll be fine, Pam. All the pieces are falling in place… ___

A sob echoes from the cell beside her.

_Most of the pieces…_

Ivy sits up and looks to see Harley out of bed. The blankets seemed to have been kicked off and a pillow layed on the floor. Pamela’s brows furrowed as she attempted to locate her friend. Another sob made Ivy alerted and she gasped when she finally spotted the other woman. 

In between the nightstand and the glass separating the cells was Harley. She sat in a fetal position, her arms covering her face as she cried. Her button up shirt was open, revealing the wrappings around her chest. 

Pamela kneeled down on the floor and gently touched the glass. “Harl?” She softly asked in an attempt to gain her attention. “Harley?” 

The blonde slowly lifted her head and stared back at the other woman. Tears streamed down her blotchy face and her eyes were a light pink. Harley wiped the snot getting ready to drip out of her nose and hiccuped. 

“R-Red, he left me… He tried to kill me,” her voice is hoarse from crying and it’s hard to understand what she’s saying, but Ivy listens. “Mr. J told me he’d never hurt me again a-and he s-shot me…” 

“He’s a liar, Harl,” Pamela replied gently. “He’s lied to you before and he did it again.” 

Harley hesitates a minute before sobbing again. “I-I keep on thinkin’ he’ll come back for me,” she begins, “l-like he did when he threw me outta that window. But, it’s been a month… It-it’s been a month and nothin’.” 

“Harl…” 

“Has he been usin’ me this entire time?” Harley’s tone begins to change and Ivy can sense a storm is brewing. “H-Has he never loved me? Oh my god…” 

“Harley?” 

Bam! 

Harley lunges and begins to slam her fists on the floor. “That sonuvabitch!” Her scream is shrill, causing Pamela to cringe. “That no good bastard-“ 

“Harley,” Pamela whispers and checks to see if any doctors are around. “Harley, you need to-“ 

“I’m gonna kill him!” She looks up at the red head with a deranged expression; the tears sliding down now of anger. “Mr. J… Joker’s gonna pay for what he did to me!” 

“I’m going to help you,” Pamela leans on the glass and softly says. “I’ve got a plan, but I need you to calm down first.” 

After a few minutes of seething, Harley slowly sits back up. Her hair is a mess from her outburst and she’s still furious, but she’s quiet. “Lay it on me, Red,” she says coldly. 

Pamela looks around the room one last time before sighing. “The warden will be doing a final examination next month of patients that are deemed stable-“ 

“So?” 

“So, if you make yourself look good at the sessions with Jean you’ll be stable enough to get examined. From there, we’ll both be certifiably sane…” 

Harley begins to smile and nod at Ivy. “We won’t have the cops after us!” 

“And if Batman thinks we’ve broken out we can just show him our certificates. That kills two birds with one stone.” Pamela says, smirking at the thought of getting Batman off of their backs. “Then we’re on our own in the city." 

“We gotta lay low for a bit though if we want this to work,” Harley replies. “We can’t just kill Joker as soon as we get out. We’re going to have to wait a bit and make ourselves model citizens so they don’t suspect us.”  


“Yes!” Pamela excitingly cries. “That’s what I was thinking, Harl!” 

“I still have my medical license, so maybe I can work at a hospital… They’ll probably only let me work as a receptionist, though,” Harley says and puts her hand to her chin. “Yeah, that can work…” 

“I’ll get a job at a flower shop… I know the Asylum will give at least ten thousand dollars to each patient that gets through the program. Between the two of us that’s twenty thousand dollars." 

“That’s enough for an apartment and a used car we can share!” Harley grins and claps her hands. “Oh, this can work!” 

Pamela crosses her arms and nods. “Remember, Harl, just follow the plan.” 

The hallway door opens and the protests of Nigma echo as the guards drag him to his cell. They’ll have to resume their planning tomorrow when Edward is gone again. Jean arrives a few seconds later to get Harley, who winks and nods at Ivy before leaving. 

Pamela looks up at the daisy on display and smiles. 

_Now everything’s set…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone said they wanted Harley to be angry and sad... C'mon guys, there's only so much one can take before they really snap. There's a lot of foreshadowing on Harley's part, though. 
> 
> It'll be fun to see them try to survive without resorting to crime. Their motivations for doing so are about to change drastically though, but the plot to kill Joker will always be there, but on the back burner!
> 
> It's been a month now in real time and fic time... Sorry about that. 
> 
> Anyway, next chapter will have Nightwing and Red Hood trying to work together in Blüdhaven... Of course, the symptoms will begin and Jason will be very grossed out. I know y'all are pumped for Jason.
> 
> Also shut out for those who get the reference in the title!

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the start of the weirdest thing I have ever possibly written. I don't normally like mpreg, but this seemed like something I had to write. 
> 
> Yes, the Middlemist Red is a real flower and is the rarest one in the world. Of course, Ivy would want to add it into her garden. Speaking of Ivy, the liquid that she is producing is based around asexual reproduction. 
> 
> Unlike plants, Ivy's spores contain the embryo, but they attain DNA from their host as well. Obviously that host is Dick in this instance, but Ivy's secretion is similar to a period. She's just becoming so plant like her body is finding ways to reproduce that seem bizarre to humans. A lot of this will be explained in future chapters!
> 
> Also, prayer for circle Harley that she can get her life together after being shot like that by Joker. I don't see him making a big come back anytime soon.


End file.
